Remembering......April 20, 2002

I wasn't certain that the post you are about to read would  be shared on my blog.....however....this blog is about the life of this family...Jared, myself and our children. And in memory of a child in this family I am dedicating these following words.

On April 20, 2002 when I was 14 wks. pregnant with our "first" baby.....an ultrasound revealed that our precious little peanut didn't make it.  Words really cannot describe the intense loss that Jared and I felt at that moment....and for many moments after the initial realization of what had just happened. 

I vividly remember laying on our bed while enclosed in Jared's strong arms as we wept together. I am not going to prolong the expression of pain that we experienced as this is not what this post is supposed to be about.....something amazing happened through all of this.

The first devotion that Jared and I did together after the loss of our baby was in Romans Chapter 5:1-5. As we read these words, still aching from the experience we were going through at that very moment, God completely made Himself known to us through His Holy Word. 

Let me share this scripture:

Romans 5:1-5

   Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.   Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;   perseverance, character; and character, hope.   And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 

Needless to say, we cried after reading these words..but with tears of joy...yes it was still painful, but we felt a huge measure of God's grace right there at that very moment. Who would have ever thought that we are to rejoice in our sufferings? I had actually read that verse many of times before that day.....but this day it penetrated to the deepest part of me....and I know it did for Jared as well.

It made me think of my Savoir. The suffering of Jesus Christ can not be compared to our suffering....as His was more than any of us could ever realize. I am humbled by His vast love for His children whom He died for. The joy experienced for believers remembering  His resurrection is nothing less than amazing. The joy is in the hope that was given to us that one day we will spend eternity in His glorious presence....Praise God!

For many years I dreaded the anniversary of April 20th...sadly it was a reminder of pain and loss for me. But God...who in His divine providence and grace worked through a close friend of mine. She knew one year that this day was approaching, (knowing how I felt) and she said to me..."Why don't you rejoice on this day, thinking of God's grace and how He was with you and brought you and Jared through this painful experience." 

I had just never thought of it that way, and from that day on, my outlook completely changed.  I am forever grateful for those loving words of wisdom. 

(Thank you Eva)

So now, I am remembering.... I am remembering our baby who grew inside of me for a short time and who God took home. And one day we will reunite. I am remembering God's constant love for me through the joys and the sufferings.  I am remembering the deep love of my Savior.

Tears roll down my cheek right now because as I am typing I hear 4 little lovies in the background. 

God's Word is living and powerful. If it has been a while since you've spent time with Him...I lovingly encourage you to make the time...in prayer and the reading of His Word. 

The photo of the lamb you see was a gift for our baby when we first found out we were pregnant...I have kept that lamb in fond remembrance of that precious little life.