The Way Nate Sees It.....

 I haven't written a post about my lovie Nate lately and what he has been up to.  I know a few people who read my blog who are especially interested in Nate and his overall progress and development.

What can I say?.....Nate is Nate.....and if you have never met him, he is a bit hard to describe. I am smiling as I write this....because to really know my son....as I have said before, you have to experience him....and those of you who do know him well, know exactly what I am talking about.

Nate was diagnosed with autism this past November, shortly after turning 5. And after doing a bit of research of individuals on the autism spectrum, Jared and I had some wide eyed moments of finally understanding a little more about Nate's communication quirks and how he processes the world around him.

Of course no two people on the spectrum are alike, but reading about others did aid us in encouraging Nate in some otherwise difficult areas of learning. Just one example would be that, although Nate does have a sense of humor, he most definitely is a literal thinker.....and that is something very important to know when trying to explain something to him.

After reading Temple Grandin's "The Way I See It" (A book written by a woman who is on the autistic spectrum....if you have never heard of her, google her name and be amazed.) Anyway...she talked about how she thinks in pictures....like she has a whole rolodex of images stored in her memory and links them together when trying to process information....even a simple conversation. Only then did we realize that Nate too was more than just a "visual learner", but that he actually relied on the visual images to understand simple concepts and conversations with others.

Nate was a whiz with puzzles at a very early age, however, since we have moved to Indiana we have yet to unpack his puzzles....so his new love....Legos.  He has always loved to build things in general....blocks and lincoln logs are also a favorite.  All of the lego directions for  building a house, (a very detailed house I might add), are all picture directions......perfect!

He just follows the directions and goes to town. The only help I have given him on the house you see below was helping him find some of the pieces...we have them all laid out on a cookie sheet so I help him to sift through them. I also helped straighten a couple of shingles and the wheels on the little mower....that's it.

He'll leave it up for only a short time then wreck it and do it all over again.....the following photos are of house #4 and it's only been a week or so since we've found the Legos.

I don't want this post to seem like I am boasting about my son's awesomeness with Legos....because I know lots of kids who are talented with Legos and building their own creations....it's just Nate has struggled in some areas for a really long time, and it is refreshing for me  to share some of the positive things that he enjoys and that he is good at. He will most likely never be a multitasker, but I think that it is great that he can stay focused on something.

I absolutely love his face when he puts the very last Lego piece on....it's the same face I see when he is placing the last piece on one of his puzzles, he is so proud of himself.....not to mention the fact that he is super cute and has the most adorable freckles! 

Reality with my beautiful boy......

Nate is such a unique soul.....there is no doubt about that. It really is a challenge to describe him exactly.....experiencing him is  the only way to really know him.  He has many extraordinary layers to himself.....and I have a feeling that the layers will continue to be revealed as he travels through life.

The other day when he was playing in the sand I couldn't help but notice how at peace he was....he was so content, really enjoying the moment. Simple....just playing in some sand....but beautiful all the same.

I cherish these peaceful moments for my son. You see, Nate is an emotionally charged person and sometimes in the heat of the moment he loses himself.....and as his mama it is difficult to watch.....to watch him lose self control. His first response is to scream...sometimes uncontrollably. My first response is to pray for him.....and I try to hold back the tears....sometimes I can....but usually my eyes are wet.

Helpless is a feeling I often feel inside when Nate is having a trying moment...or perhaps a difficult day all together. I just want to pull him close into a tight hug and wait until the storm passes.....but sometimes he doesn't want me to hold him at that moment....and I'll be honest.....that's really hard for me. He often needs some space and some time to cool down.....I am still learning how to help him and what is best for him. 

His tears start to flow after the anger passes and he begins to weep.... almost as if the wall of anger that was raging in him was knocked down only to reveal a gentle core inside. He comes to me and crawls up on my lap and only then am I able to hold him close...to rub his back....to stroke his hair...to tell him he's ok now....and to tell him that I love him. 

Yes there have been some extremely gut wrenching moments....for all of us, but I am so very thankful that as Nate matures his loss of self control is not as frequent as it once was. We know this is by the grace of God....Jared and I continue to pray for him everyday....and always will. In the midst of Nate's lesson of perseverance, Jared and I are challenged to look at our own hearts....seeking forgiveness for the times when we could have been more patient....where we ourselves lacked self control.

Yes, Nate has autism, but I do not let that define who he is...there is just too much beauty to his character for one word to even begin to describe him as a person.

 I am sharing our life with all of you because I guess I feel like God has us all going through struggles at some point in time during the course of our lives....and I feel if I only share the blowing bubble and baking brownie pictures, that I am not being totally real....but I can assure you I am real. A mama with a real passion and deep love for her lovies...a mama who trips and falls along the way....who cries and worries when I shouldn't ....but who looks to God for the only strength that will carry me through this beautiful life....difficult moments and all.  

By reflecting on the past I am then able to rejoice in God by seeing how far He has brought us as a family....and how far Nathan has traveled on this road. 

His smile is contagious, his laughter is unparalleled, his hugs would cause the most stoic person to melt into a pile of mush. Oh how I love my son....I look forward to seeing the man that God intends for him to become.

Capturing one of Life's Precious Moments.....

 Earlier today I was cleaning up the kitchen when an excited Nate came bursting through the door....muddy shoes and all. 

 "Here Mommy...here Mommy....flowers for you!!!"

"They're so beautiful Mom!"

I was completely taken by surprise as my heart gushed.

I quickly came around the island and gave Nate a big hug. We put the flowers up to our noses and took in a deep breath.  The boys often request that I put the flowers in my hair....so a few always go into my locks.

I grabbed a juice glass from the cupboard, filled it with water and put them in....even though there were barely any stems. Nate loved how they looked in the "vase".

That was the first of many flower picking trips for Nate today.....right through the kitchen into my hand....and he always had the same excitement. I just didn't have it in me to scold him for the mud he was tracking in.

These set of photos were captured as I was standing out on the porch with my camera, (as I often do.)  Nate was still lovingly picking these pretties to be put in the vase. I made him stop so I could capture his sweetness.....so glad I did. 

I had to smile as I remember the time when Nate was almost 3.  His speech/language therapist, Nate and I  went for a walk. She tried the entire time to get Nate to give me a flower....his language was significantly delayed and he had a hard time understanding that simple concept.  She would put a flower in his little chubby hand and say..."Ok Nate, now give this flower to Mommy." It took over an hour and much patience, but Nate finally gave me that flower...oh how I wish I had that flower.

But since that day, Nate has given me many flowers and I think that it is just the sweetest thing.  He has come such a long way on this journey that he is on. There are days where I feel like he's regressed, (usually emotionally) and I get discouraged.....but I don't stay in that place for long. Nate is growing.....and as he grows he becomes more beautiful to me....it is amazing to see God at work in this little guys heart. I have so much hope for my son.....and I will always look forward to the flowers.

I have a little Nester.....

Look at that sweet face. This is one of Nate's favorite things to do....he likes to pile blankets up and burrow in them. Sometimes on the floor..sometimes on pieces of furniture. When he wants to do this he always asks if he can "play mess". After doing some reading on autism, I have learned that it is not uncommon for kids to want to have pressure applied to them for various reasons.....for Nate....this just makes him so happy. So if you would stop by my house it would not be uncommon to see every blanket in our house lying on our living room floor. It is actually super fun for all of the kids.....but especially for Nate. His little piles remind me of nests....that's why I call him my "little nester." These photos were taken at my Mom and Dad's on our last visit back to PA. I am thankful my Mom has embraced Nate's nests and enjoys watching him "play mess"......I love this kid!  I even caught my Dad laying in Nate's nest on the floor....it's a family thing {grin}

Nate...Looking Back and Moving Forward......

The purpose of my blog is to connect with others. I have never intended for my blog to revolve around Nate's autism and the daily struggles and triumphs that we face together as a family. 

Having said that...I do have a child with autism...a sweet beautiful child might I add...and perhaps there are friends or family who are wondering how Nate is doing. And maybe...just maybe there is a mom out there reading my blog who can relate.

I don't know what it is, but there is an instant connection I have to another mom who has a child with special needs and I don't mean just autism. We don't need each other to feel sorry for one another, that's not what I am talking about. I mean looking someone in the eye and just knowing that they get it.

Ok, I'm rambling..sorry, back to Nate. In this first picture, (isn't he a doll), he was 21/2 and basically non-verbal. He had a few words in his vocabulary, but not quite there on the whole communicating with words thing. In this picture he is using sign language....he is signing the word for water. Nate loves water and we stopped along a riverbank during a bike ride one afternoon. He was so excited and so happy to be there at that very moment. He loved throwing rocks in any body of water. Back then rocks and water were his thing...and we didn't quite know why.

 

Jared and I were so excited that he was signing....tears would come to my eyes when he would say something with his hands. He would get so frustrated and we related it to his lack of communication skills. He was seeing a speech and language pathologist at the time. It was a slow but rewarding process and Nate began to say words. Right now at age 5 he can talk in sentences and is on the verge of being able to carry on a short conversation.

Nate has always been very hard to describe. Jared and I would tell people that you just have to experience Nate...and you would never forget him.  We went through years of major behavior concerns...from screaming fits of rage, throwing things, spitting, hitting and biting.....over the most trivial things and we had no clue why. We just knew there was something going on with our son. 

I would cry.....all the time....I just didn't know how to help him. My heart was sick for my son...I physically ached when I watched his struggles. (To this day it is still one of the saddest things for me to experience Nate losing self control) I prayed fervently to God everyday....some days in desperation..."Lord please help us...please help my son."

God is so good....let me just say that again....God is so good. Not because we were able to get some answers to why Nate was going through what he was.....but realizing that through it all God was at work during every moment.  And let me just say that I not implying in any way that every moment was difficult and a struggle. We have a multitude of beautiful memories of these beginning years as well.

As Nate matured so did his communication skills, and we were always working on coping methods for his emotions and how to have self control....(we still are). But something amazing happened....it was like God flicked on a switch in me. I stopped focusing on Nate's struggles and really started to pay attention to what made Nate tick and really tried to get in tune with him. I focused on his strengths as a person and was blown away.

Just to name a few of Nate's strengths....he is very funny, a whiz at puzzles, is on the verge of reading independently, loves to draw, loves music and has amazing rhythm, is an architect when it comes to lincoln logs, computer savvy,  loves to exercise and is a great brother to Noah, Lauren and Luke, is very affectionate and loving....I could go on.

 This post was way longer than I ever intended....sorry.  And there is so much more to say...but I will end with this. I love my son more than words can describe. I will be his encourager, his prayer warrior, his tear wiper, his exercise partner.....I will never give up on him.

I love all 4 of my lovies deeply and feel abundantly blessed. I am forever grateful for my amazing husband...my best friend...the person God chose for me to travel along side on this journey of life. There will be many challenges on the road ahead I am sure.....and because of God and His amazing grace and love....I am up for the challenge.